The pull

How did I end up here?

When I left my office I said I wasn’t coming here. I told myself I would go home, maybe get some rest. I would be there when my wife got home so I could help her make dinner. Maybe do some chores. But here I am.

All the way here I felt like I was on autopilot, like the car was driving itself. I felt pulled here, compelled to be in this place. Despite what I said when I was sitting at my desk, gathering my things for the end of the day, despite the plans I made, here I am…again! I can’t seem to avoid this place. No matter how much I may think I am going to avoid it, it pulls me back.

I feel that unquenchable hunger to be here. I cannot stop myself from being here….at the gym.

A year ago, a very similar internal dialogue played out in my head many times. I would leave work, headed for home, with plans for the evening, only to be pulled somewhere that I didn’t intend to be. Only a year ago, it would not have been the parking lot of the gym where I found myself. It would be the parking lot of the Walgreens to buy candy bars, or the drive through at McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, or Dairy Queen.

This morning I decided to give myself an extra hour of sleep. When I do that, I pack a gym bag, and if my schedule permits, and I am not exhausted from working all day, I go to the gym on the way home. As I was wrapping up my work day I was thinking that I’d go straight home. The plan was to do some reading, and work on some blog posts that I have coming up on my other blog. I would help my wife with dinner and dishes, and even do some laundry.

As I drove, I wasn’t even aware that I had skipped the exit for my house and was heading for the exit of the gym. I was listening to the radio, and had myself on autopilot, just like in the dialogue above. Only when I got on the treadmill did I remember that I had a different plan.

One hour and 6km later, I stepped off the treadmill and dressed to go home. This post came alive in my head on the ride from the gym. I will still get all those other things done tonight, including making dinner with my wife. But first I worked out.

It’s funny, the difference a year can make.

2 comments

  1. It is amazing the difference you have made for yourself. I think your persistence, perseverance and patience are paying off. I can identify with the need to go to the gym. The day I don’t do some physical activity, I don’t feel like myself. Have to keep moving. 🙂

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