January 4 – “Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, your fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if you explore them.” – Marilyn Ferguson

The simplest answer to this for me is that I am afraid of dying. The mortality numbers associated with obesity, and all of the diseases and conditions that come with it, are terrifying. I am in my mid 50s, and want to be around well into my late 80s. I am painfully aware of the fact that I have long-since crossed over the midpoint of my life.I want to be healthy because I want to be around as long as possible. Digging deeper, not only do I want to be around, I want my existence, and my life to have quality. I don’t want to find myself unable to do the things I love to do. Those fears drive why I want to lose weight, and be fit.

As I sit here, on a windy January morning, there is something else. Right now I fear that I cannot sustain a healthy lifestyle. Since June I have seen myself slip into the bad habits that got me to 345 pounds. I see myself taking the extra sleep instead of going to the gym, skipping the walks at lunch, having seconds, indulging in unhealthy snacks, and so on. I am afraid right now that my love of food, and the comfort it can offer, is greater than my love of being healthy.

Years ago I was a Confirmation Director for a Catholic parish. One of the things we discussed with the 8th graders who were preparing for the Sacrament was the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit. Among those gifts is Courage. When we had those discussions, the constant theme was that courage is not the absence of fear. Instead, courage is the ability to take action in spite of  fear. I need to find my courage again. I need to channel what scares me into productive, headstrong, action

Today, and in the coming days, I need to be more reflective on what scares me, and how I can face those fears with a plan of action

Bobby-C’s thought for the day…Fears are usually irrational. When I allow fears to keep me from acting, I ignore all of the rational reasons to succeed.

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