January 4 – “Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, your fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if you explore them.” – Marilyn Ferguson

The simplest answer to this for me is that I am afraid of dying. The mortality numbers associated with obesity, and all of the diseases and conditions that come with it, are terrifying. I am in my mid 50s, and want to be around well into my late 80s. I am painfully aware of the fact that I have long-since crossed over the midpoint of my life.I want to be healthy because I want to be around as long as possible. Digging deeper, not only do I want to be around, I want my existence, and my life to have quality. I don’t want to find myself unable to do the things I love to do. Those fears drive why I want to lose weight, and be fit.

As I sit here, on a windy January morning, there is something else. Right now I fear that I cannot sustain a healthy lifestyle. Since June I have seen myself slip into the bad habits that got me to 345 pounds. I see myself taking the extra sleep instead of going to the gym, skipping the walks at lunch, having seconds, indulging in unhealthy snacks, and so on. I am afraid right now that my love of food, and the comfort it can offer, is greater than my love of being healthy.

Years ago I was a Confirmation Director for a Catholic parish. One of the things we discussed with the 8th graders who were preparing for the Sacrament was the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit. Among those gifts is Courage. When we had those discussions, the constant theme was that courage is not the absence of fear. Instead, courage is the ability to take action in spite of  fear. I need to find my courage again. I need to channel what scares me into productive, headstrong, action

Today, and in the coming days, I need to be more reflective on what scares me, and how I can face those fears with a plan of action

Bobby-C’s thought for the day…Fears are usually irrational. When I allow fears to keep me from acting, I ignore all of the rational reasons to succeed.

Week 30 Weigh-in and update on the Affirmation Challenge

This morning I weighed-in at 260.2 pounds. That means I lost .6 pounds since last Friday. Considering my weekend indulgence on last week’s camping trip, and the fact that I didn’t get to the gym this week, I am very happy with the result. Down is down after all.

Other than the weekend, I stuck to my Weight Watchers points for the week. As I mentioned, I didn’t get to the gym this week, and I need to remedy that in the coming week. I also haven’t been walking as much, and need to step that back up as well.

I am now on day 26 of the affirmation challenge. So far I have kept up the pace. It has become increasingly difficult to come up with a unique affirmation each day, but not difficult to find something to affirm in my life. There are 5 days (including today), left, and I am confident that I will get in 30 in 30.

I thought I would share this one from back on September 22:

I am courageous. Sometimes I am full of fear about things, but that fear doesn’t stop me. I act in spite of my fear – that is my definition of courage.

Like everyone else, I have fears in my life. Some are quite common, like my fear of heights. Others are deeper seeded and have to do with my fears about my own mortality and whether I am living up to expectations – both my own and others’. I have struggled with depression in the past, and sometimes that depression did make me shut down. These days I have learned to cope with my fears, and to face them head on. I find that when I allow myself to worry about my fears, then the thing that scares me grows. But, when I face it head on, it shrinks before my eyes.

For the coming week my plan is to be on points for the week, and to hit the gym at least 3 times.

How are you doing on your journey? What are your goals for the week?